He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
