I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
