I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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