Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
