I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
