okay pat passed out under dana's car
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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