Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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