you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
