idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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