Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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