My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize