Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
