I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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