It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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