So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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