you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
