Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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