My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
