I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
