she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
