hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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