So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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