eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
