I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
