i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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