I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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