I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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