weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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