hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
