I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
