the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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