it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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