you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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