cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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