i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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