If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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