It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
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Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
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Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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