dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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