therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
you never un-have a 4some
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
