how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
