I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
