when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
