The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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