So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She bit a glass in half.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
