He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My vagina just recognized that song.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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