is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
