walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
