I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
