so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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