after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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