he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
