I wish I could punch you in the face.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
