i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I am naked and annoyed.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
