I seem to have left my pride at pride
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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