i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
