i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
