i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
