Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Even my vagina gasped.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
