You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
