for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
