The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
