Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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