so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
