how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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