I think I died a long time ago.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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