last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
