dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
