I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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