he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
