It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
